You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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