What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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