then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
