I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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