there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
