my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
