if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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