Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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