Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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