Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
