Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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