I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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