Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
