I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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