When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
