So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
