You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing