Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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