I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
