The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
