I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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