Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
