I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
