And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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