at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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