In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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