The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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