It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
