just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
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I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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