I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
