I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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