All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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