Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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