idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
