I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
