Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
