I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish I only lived at night.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
