i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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