Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
