I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
