Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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