Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
