If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
