69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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