It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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