So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
