he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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