She just used a chaser for red wine.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The power of my boobs compel you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
