I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
