AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
