just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
