So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
