Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
