i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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