apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
